the last day

oh so many things occur in two months of a broken computer. life has a funny way of twisting and turning and testing morals and boundaries. hmmm..... i tried dating just one person for a while. approximately 6 weeks. i decided that i am not ready to put myself back into a relationship where the lines of who i am and who i want to be become blurred with the lines of someone else. i haven't found myself enough to be lost in someone once again. we are now allegedly seeing other people, but we gravitate back to one another. i am just being okay with that. and weekends with him are a safe harbor for me. and he is just being okay with that.

the ex and i are finding some sort of peace with each other. i don't agree with his life, and i am probably the more lost one. i find myself listening to horrible songs that depict the kind of relationship we should have had songs with words like when the kids get old enough we're going to teach them to fly, you and me together can do anything anything... bullshit.... here is my realistic lyric i got to be unconditionally unafraid of my days without you... there is no place in this heart for him anymore. but confessions have been made and he is seeing where i am in all of this. and there was a night of stolen moments in which i discovered my feelings for him are cinders now. good for me. and in those moments there were apologies and words that bring closure. i am definitely moving on.

there are other words that should be written here at this time, but the silence is a better choice. i am taking things one second at a time, no prejudgment, no expectations. but, i know that i am on my way to where i need and want to be.