january

january is finally over, it is still cold, snow flurries flurry occasionally and i am in a happier place. life is good. life is an adventure worth taking and finding the bravery it takes to live it. exciting. i am headed to az for oh so many reasons, some of which can not be written, others are just for a bit of healing time, family time, escape time, mulling time. so many forks in this road right now, so many ways to go, so many distractions all of which are just as important as the next. wow my vague ways are going to creep up on me... months will pass, years will pass and even i will have no clue what the hell i am talking about!

i still wonder.... am i capable of being in love, for longer than a fleeting moment?
melting?
melding?
wondering where i end and another begins?
touching?
feeling?
really feeling?
allowing someone to remain close
and not demeaning any of it?
opening myself to the possible heartache
or joy?
i don't think i can find the bravery needed for that.
i don't think i want to even look for it.
i am upended.
still.