restlessness and a new boyfriend

the experiences that i have had the last year need to be put to rest in a wooden box, the size of a coffin with more than just nails at the corners. i don't want to remove them from my memory because invaluable lessons were learned, but i need to turn my back on them and take the power from them. and why is it that once a person finally brings herself to commit to a relationship all past flings scurry into sight like the light has been turned on in a roach infested kitchen. not to say the flings were all roaches, but they were at the very least crickets or ants or roly poly potato bugs. no keepers, only infestations to get rid of. darkness attracts that type i suppose. and here i am wondering what the fuck i am up to and why i am feeling restless and a bit angry and perhaps bitter as well? and there is the slumbering beast, as always, lurking in the deepest recesses of my mind just waiting for me to make my way back. interestingly i feel that i may be a victim of that odd mental disorder that makes a person think that they are in love with their captor. i need to find my self respect, i believe. and i might be on the right road, but i am pretty damn sure that i am about to run out of gas. i need a superhero with a gas can, I believe.