ice burg

I wonder where I get this idea that I shouldn't feel things. I am following a script that I tell myself over and over. I am okay. And I truly believe that I am. I am happier and accomplishing things I have wanted to for a long time. But, I don't understand the side of me that makes me think that emotion is a sign of weakness. It is fine to cry if you feel the need (I rarely feel the need unless I drink a whole bottle of wine.) and yet I can not bring myself to cry or even feel like it is okay that I cry. Maybe I feel that I have wasted too many tears over the years crying over the same issues. I am spent. I saw the "ex" today. Wow! He is a massive drain on my positivity. He just looks so sad. I don't believe that I am projecting. I am not sad. I am too busy to be. I am confused at times. I miss sex a lot, most of the time, but I am not sad. I am excited about my future without him. Hell, I am excited about my present without him. But, I guess part of me is still affected by his temperament. That sucks. He came over yesterday and wore an Affliction hat. Of course being the brat that I am I commented on it. How could I not? Nice hat, good label for you, was I the one being afflicted by you, must be.... you're the one wearing the hat. He said I was funny, maybe I was hurtful. I asked him if he cried about the situation. He said he doesn't know. Have I cried. A little. And as sad as I feel (it is not very sad, maybe more annoyed, definitely surprised that I was affected by seeing him in his state and taking the last bits of my stuff)there is not a single cell in my body that wants to be with him. There is not a cell in my body that wants to try to make this sham, shell, facade, broken, dysfunctional relationship work. I will only put into it what I need to for the boys. I have sacrificed too much and gained too little. One, two, three, GO! To quote the ever profound proclaimers.... "I'm on my way from misery to happiness today...uh huh...uh huh...yeah!"