did i mention?

did i mention?
the divorce was final oct 21, 2010. up, dressed, at the court by nine. waited for hours. spent the day with him. went to sushi for lunch. had a beer. laughed. cried. confessions by me that i had planned on spending the rest of my life with him. failed. at least his eyes became red rimmed and welled with a tear or two. he ignored her calls. spent some time with the boys. odd. kissed him good bye. he said he couldn't do it because he was in love with someone. bull shit. while our lips met the phone rang and it was her. he lives with her now (since august and somehow i drove him to it). her eyes never meet mine. she is lovely, insecure, and a victim of abuse. his favorite kind of girl. he doesn't have to try too hard with her. just not beating the shit out of her is enough. i resent him. he sees the boys for 24 hours out of a month now. it hurts them and at times they even admit it. i try to be nice. kill him with kindness. help too much so he is able to be ridiculously, irresponsibly twenty again. it really is repulsive and what is worse is that it hurts me still. i keep waiting for the disgust, rage and hurt to be replaced with indifference. achingly slowly, detachment is sneaking up on me.